Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Lists: Things That Piss Me Off:

#73 Kraft/Microwave Food Instructions
Really what the hell. Kraft Dinner is one of the greatest foods in history. But whoever thought up putting the god dam Sensible Solution sh** on the box should be shot. Here's the difference from the normal way: 1 Tbsp of Non-Hydrogenated Margarine instead of the 3 Tbsps of crap the YOU use. And then 1/2 cup of skim milk instead of 1/4 cup. Who the hell cares?! If it's so goddam good then lose the classic directions. Instead they got rid of the Microwave directions!! Are YOU KIDDING ME!? All it says is to go to the website. I'm going to set my house on fire and sue Kraft. Seriously I've been making this stuff since I was 8. But that was with the MICROWAVE INSTRUCTIONS! How on gods green Earth do they expect a kid to turn on a stove and cook f***ing pasta! And Christ if I wanted to make KD on a goddam stove I'd cook spaghetti or something! Idiots.
On a side note the nutritional facts on the back have facts not only for the Kraft Dinner but the dry mix! WHO EATS THAT!? NO ONE! The only way you'd eat dry mix is if you were stuck on a deserted island, no way start a fire/no water and were starving with Kraft dinner there. AND EVEN THEN I WOULDN'T GIVE A SH** HOW MUCH IRON WAS IN IT!

Last but not least is these microwaveable pastas like spaghetti and alfredo. On the back it gives you the instructions for cooking in an OVEN! First I'm so god dam lazy that I'm using your pre-made meal which means I'm practically starving. Why on Earth would I waste TWENTY MINUTES! NOT INCLUDING PRE-HEATING! TO COOK IT IN A OVEN WHEN I PROBABLY GET THE SAME RESULT IN 5 MINUTES WITH A MICROWAVE! The only possibility is that you've some how broken your microwave while living in the wilderness and are starving. Really it's just stupid.

UPDATE: Kraft has obeyed my commands.

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