Wednesday, June 8, 2011

E3 2011

The title of this post is deceiving, since this is mostly a message to Microsoft (Don't get me started on the Vita or Wii U).

Microsoft, buddy, we got some issues to talk about. We (gamers) have been growing concerned over the last couple E3s but its gotta stop. Here are some of my observations of your press conference.

Stop it with the kid shit. Disneyland Adventures and Sesame Street have no fucking business even being at E3, better yet the Xbox 360 briefing! Why? People watching E3 are not the target of these games. Do kids even know about E3?! No one watching E3 got excited and said "I can't wait for Disneyland Adventures!". Even parents don't care, a father who plays video games isn't watching E3 for gift ideas.

"But," you say, "this is showing off the Kinect!" Shut. Your. Whore. Mouth. A lot of gamers already hate the Kinect, why are you making it worse by showing games for 6 year olds? Its even worse when you show child actors or whoever playing the games, pretending to have fun. I have a Kinect, so stuff like Ryse, Ghost Recon and Star Wars were actually pretty cool. But then you show dumb shit like people playing football. I don't think there was a single person watching who didn't facepalm at that.  Next year I'll have a drinking game where every time something like this happens, I take a shot. I could die of alcohol poisoning Microsoft, do you want that on your conscience?

Now that I've vented a bit there's also some good stuff I haven't mentioned, like Halo 4, the Halo 1 remake, MW3 and  Gears 3.

Now how do we fix the embarrassing issues? The first step is simple: if someone comes to you and says "We should show (insert game for kids 8 and under here) at our E3 press conference", you slap them and tell them to get the fuck out of your office.

The next solution is send it to me. Honestly, type up an itinerary and e-mail it to me. I will tell you what I think for free.

Overall, E3 this year has been lackluster, with the exceptions of MW3, Dead Island, and Bioshock Infinite.