Grand Theft Escapdes

I was originally going to post these stories a long time ago. So I'm going to just post them now:

While in a game of cops & robbers I decide to get out of the car and split us up. Of course seconds later I hear the sirens closing in and there isn't a car in sight! I just barely am able to hide behind a guard booth. I luckily run around a bunch of flat beds as the police turn their attention to me. The flat beds serve as a roadblock and I jump over some walls onto a road with... CARS! I jack one and head towards my destination, of course I just passed the road to access it so I turn and work my way to the bridge I'm more familiar with. Uh-oh! My entire team just died.
And now I have two cops cars following me.

I go on the bridge and I have a fair lead on them going the wrong way down the road. And then in some sort of chain collision my car comes to a complete stop! This, you know, sort of, ALLOWS THEM TO BE ON MY ASS! They have Uzis out and my car is taking a beating. I quickly switch to the other lane which only helps momentarily. I speed through the toll booth and it dawns on me, "There is NO WAY IN HELL THIS CAR IS GETTING ME THERE!" My car, still taking Uzi fire, catches fire. No not the engine kind of fire that takes a minute to explode, no this was a gas tank fire and my car was going to explode at any second. I know I only have one hope of surviving. I speed towards a gap in the wall and fly thorough the air and jump out of the car in mid-air. Not only was this the most badass thing I've ever done. I firmly believe that for 5 minutes I had done the most badass thing in the world at that moment.

My car luckily crashed in the water and didn't explode. I landed in the water as well. The police could only watch from the bridge as I swam to another island. This island only has one access and I'd get there first. I quickly jacked a car and made my way around to the boat and left the police in my dust.

Part Deux

I was playing carjack (basically everyone goes for a car and then attempts to take that car to a drop off) and here's what happened.

I start off with another person and we both head to a car while the other two head towards a second car. I get there first and begin to drive off. As a start down a large road, he gets a lucky shot and I die. I respawn and head towards the guy who just killed me. Unfortunately I get there too late and he get the points. Angry, I kill him and jack an SUV and head towards a drop off point.
As I close in I realize the two with the other car are battling and trying to get to the drop off I'm going for. The guy I just killed is coming up behind me now as well. I analyze the situation. To get into the drop off area you need to go through a small gap between a wall and a building The pink guy has nailed the green guy who's in the car to the wall with a bus! As I pull up she unloads a Uzi on the green dude and he's gone. I quickly come up with a plan. I jump over the wall, pull the dead guy out and skank the points for myself! While this was happening the pink guy kills the other guy who was coming. I get out of the car and aim my AK at the wall. Sure enough pink pokes his head over and I pop him.

I then go around the wall and get into my SUV and go towards another dropoff. Unfortunately this one is farther away so I work my way down. I pass green on the way and he pops my left rear tire. Just great. I continue and unfortunately make a wrong turn and and up below the drop point. I look on my radar and see that pink is right above me! With a flat tire, I know there's no getting away now. I get out and pull out my AK and go up to a fence. I see her car fly over the railing and crash to the ground. She continues towards me. I unload into the windshield but don't kill her! She crashes through the fence and I get thrown over the car. She begins to back up over me. Then accelerates to run me over again. All this while shooting a pistol at me. I am at her mercy. In desperation I get up and jump to avoid her car. She nicks me but I don't fall down! I pull out my AK and fill her windshield again and there's no escaping this time. Exasperated I climb back into my SUV and work my way back around and score again. I begin to work my way back to another car but there's only 20 seconds left in the round. I win WOOT!

I AM EVIL

One of my favourite things to do in Grand Theft Auto IV multiplayer is to go up to a roof with a sniper rifle and well... snipe. However today was different. I had already gone up once and was restocking ammo and going back up. Well as I was going up I heard "There's an orange guy over here follow me!" I look at my radar and notice that they indeed are coming towards me. A second later..."He's going up! There's got to be a door in there! There it is!"

Now first you have to understand this is a 30 story hospital. It takes almost two minutes to get to the top. It's a huge hassle. So at first I think, "Crap! I'm outnumbered!" and for a second I panic. A second later I realize, "Hey I have a rocket launcher and the element of surprise!" Of course I watch them both begin their scramble to the top. It's quite humourous, much like mice through a maze. On their way up one says "I hope he doesn't have a mic. He'd know we were coming." Oh sweet irony. I get in position at the entrance and prepare, checking periodically to see their progress. The 1st is only a few flights from the top. I get to position and kneel down. He comes up gun drawn but he doesn't stand a chance as I unleash hell. For me it almost felt to risky. "He had a rocket launcher!" he exclaims, well this time I go up against the wall where I can see them coming up and put my RPG of the railing. The second is only about two floors from the top and I fire one straight into his cage like coffin.

At this point they're all pissed off. "Oh my god. I just wanted to see the top!" At this point I also laugh maniacally! The first one respawns and begins to ascend again. The second says "I'm getting a helicopter!" Well the first one met the same fate as the second as only a few floors from the top I fire into the cage containing the stairs. He dies.

I spend the rest of the level trying to shoot people. The second guy goes after a helicopter but goes to the airport which is way to far to get back in time.

MARCH!

Woot! It's March! The month when all the world comes to celebrate me! First though I have to apologize for not posting for awhile now you see last week was Spring Break and I was at home. I rarely was on my computer so I didn't really have time to post. So I'll be telling you how my week went. But before that I'll update you on my temperture project. As you can see to the left it's been a very strange month. The humidity has been very strange and the outdoor temperture has been all over the place. (Keep in mind that the lines without dots are weekends I wasn't here for. The reason the Outdoor temp has them though is because I added tempertures from the theweathernetwork.com website.) Anywho it's getting much warmer now.

Now on to the break. First I went to the mall with Jenni. I must tell you over the past few weeks my Shuffle iPod isn't as useful as it had been. A measly couple hundred megabytes. I needed to upgrade, it could barely hold my own playlist better yet the Q107's Top 500 playlist I made on iTunes. So I began looking at newer models last Saturday night and by that morning I had settled on the 3rd Generation iPod Nano. Here's why:

1. 2nd Generation Shuffles are only 1 Gigabyte and that just isn't enough.
2. Nanos are inexpensive.
3. Nanos are small.
4. Nanos have screens
5. Nanos have more space (4gb-8gb)
6. Nanos can play pictures, movies and games.
7. Nanos are very pretty.

So I went with a 4gb iPod Nano for about $150 (That's a little bit more expensive than when I first got my Shuffle). I looked into how much I could get for my Shuffle and went on Ebay where the average price seemed to be... $10! Are you kidding me? Well I guess the new 1GB iPods are only $50. So I just gave it to Jenni (my girlfriend).

The next big thing would have to be Brian, Rob and I hanging out. We went to Wiggies (a tradition of sorts) And then headed back to my place for some gaming.

The next day was...

JUDGEMENT DAY!

I would go before the judge who would then inspect my teeth. He would then send me back to live here or to the depths of hell known only as Cavity Fillings! It was uncomfortable, disgusting and painful. Luckily I passed with flying colours and was released into the wild once more. I went to EB Games (next door thankfully) And bought:

1. A set of two Xbox 360 Controller Stands.
2. A badass Xbox 360 skin and faceplate featuring my favourite characters of all time...

GRUNTS!

After that my mom 'wanted' to go to Wal-Mart and that's what we did. Didn't buy anything really. I got a Big Mac though. Yum!

Skip forward to Saturday. Jenni has dreams. One of these dreams is to become a famous singer. The other is being good at Grand Theft Auto: Vice City. She accomplished neither of these. First we had to get up at 8. YES 8 AM which means 7 AM! So I drag myself to Jenni's and we are whisked away to the mall. I have never been to that particular mall before but it was pretty nice. Woah! I just had this 'flash daydream' where I was goofing around in the mall and was chased out by security. Anyway what really happened was alot less exciting. Jenni got in a line for what I assumed was the audition. 'This shouldn't be too long' I thought. Boy was I wrong. So to waste time I went into EB Games in the mall and looked through the used games section and bought:

• Test Drive: Unlimited-$15-20
• F.E.A.R.- $25
• Call of Juarez - $8.99 (What an F***ing steal!)

So quite happy with myself I went back to Jenni with my catch. So then I walked around and didn't find much to do. So I waited for Jen to finish her...REGISTRATION! AH! We haven't even gotten to the auditions yet! Jen has one of the damn stupid number and it' s like 073911. I look at the board on the stage 'Now Serving 073600-073630' Oh God. So I walk around thinking this will go by fast. Jen sure thinks it will since she can't get off her ass lest she miss her audition. I come back a half hour later wanting two things A. Be with Jenni (she had two friends there) B. EAT! I try explaining to Jenni 'Hun it's been an hour and they're only at 073700. WE HAVE TIME TO EAT!' She says 'I don't want to miss my audition'. I eventually drag her by the hair out and she eats doughnuts and then mooches on me (who bought his own food mind you) for poutine. She didn't get any of my Grandpa Burger that I can assure you.

What seemed like months later we finally got into the 073900s and Jenni went in line and her parents came to see what happened. Jenni was led outside to the trailer where she didn't get in. She was a little angry but far less than expected (She was holding it in) We went to Turtle Jack's and I had some pasta (I'll just mention this now that me and Jenni went to Wiggies the night before (no reason for mentioning this other than she might get mad if I don't mention it)).

Well we got back to her place and she wanted to play GTA:VC. She's on her fourth mission (maybe third) and all she has to hit a pizza delivery man. One problem how she drives is like looking at a gorilla's teeth -- horrid, jagged, yellowish, and terrible to look at but yet quite humourous. She screamed several time at the game, me and the world. She threw her controller at the ground that would make the angriest baseball/hockey/football coach runaway in tears. She did beat it though. (I'm here to tell the tale aren't I?)

I'll try to post my review of Call of Juarez and Assassin's Creed this week. And I'll inform you of the 20th/20,000 Spectacular Extravaganza Fiesta going on this Sunday!

It's 2:30 AM I'm damn tired. Need Sleep. Good Night!