E3 2011

The title of this post is deceiving, since this is mostly a message to Microsoft (Don't get me started on the Vita or Wii U).

Microsoft, buddy, we got some issues to talk about. We (gamers) have been growing concerned over the last couple E3s but its gotta stop. Here are some of my observations of your press conference.

Stop it with the kid shit. Disneyland Adventures and Sesame Street have no fucking business even being at E3, better yet the Xbox 360 briefing! Why? People watching E3 are not the target of these games. Do kids even know about E3?! No one watching E3 got excited and said "I can't wait for Disneyland Adventures!". Even parents don't care, a father who plays video games isn't watching E3 for gift ideas.

"But," you say, "this is showing off the Kinect!" Shut. Your. Whore. Mouth. A lot of gamers already hate the Kinect, why are you making it worse by showing games for 6 year olds? Its even worse when you show child actors or whoever playing the games, pretending to have fun. I have a Kinect, so stuff like Ryse, Ghost Recon and Star Wars were actually pretty cool. But then you show dumb shit like people playing football. I don't think there was a single person watching who didn't facepalm at that.  Next year I'll have a drinking game where every time something like this happens, I take a shot. I could die of alcohol poisoning Microsoft, do you want that on your conscience?

Now that I've vented a bit there's also some good stuff I haven't mentioned, like Halo 4, the Halo 1 remake, MW3 and  Gears 3.

Now how do we fix the embarrassing issues? The first step is simple: if someone comes to you and says "We should show (insert game for kids 8 and under here) at our E3 press conference", you slap them and tell them to get the fuck out of your office.

The next solution is send it to me. Honestly, type up an itinerary and e-mail it to me. I will tell you what I think for free.

Overall, E3 this year has been lackluster, with the exceptions of MW3, Dead Island, and Bioshock Infinite.

Game Review: Call Of Duty: Black Ops

 

I’ve finally gotten to finish Black Ops (except Zombies, but I really don’t care for zombies). Understand that I came into Black Ops sceptical.  In the first trailer the first thing you see is these explosions that look like ass. From then on I kept me expectations low. And even after the release I still didn’t pick the game up for several weeks (problems with MW2 made me finally buy it). Here are my thoughts…

Single Player

Single Player is so-so. Some missions are pretty good for their use of history. Executive Command for example has you destroying a Russian Missile which is similar to an actual accident. Operation 40 has you on the Bay of Pigs Invasion. The Vorkuta Prison escape was also really well done.

On the other hand, the Vietnam, Kowloon and Laos missions were pretty bland. The mission WMD has some good moments but the whole spy plane is such a waste. Why did they even bother on something that you spend more time getting into than actually using? Some other complaints: Why was there no introduction to the RC-XD Car? The story isn’t great and a lot of the forced scenes are tedious and its annoying that you have to go through them EVERY TIME WITH NO SKIPPING! Some objectives aren’t clear… I’m looking at you Khe Sanh Napalm Barrels.

Multi Player

The multi-player is good. There are to big problems though. #1 is the maps. They’re all pretty uninspired and too small. Rundown time:

• Array: Good
• Cracked: Bad
• Crisis: Boring
• Firing Range: Meh
• Grid: Meh
• Hanoi: Good but rarely comes up
• Havana: Okay
• Jungle Meh
• Launch: Not bad this is probably the most interesting map
• Nuketown: Okay
• Radiation: Boring No one ever goes under ground, they wasted time on a useless door opener
• Summit: One of the better maps
• Villa: Really good sniping map
• WMD: Meh

Maybe I’m just hard to please.

The #2 thing wrong is the money/experience system. There’s a lot of little reasons so I’ll try my best to explain. For me moving Modern Warfare 2 along required unlocking weapons, unlocking the attachments and completing various challenges (usually gametype challenges). So I would play like this: Level Up, Get Gun, Get Attachments, Complete Gametype Challenge (Deathmatch, S&D, Demolition, Etc.) until I Prestige.

In Black Ops all that is thrown out the window. You only need to unlock Pro Perks. Everything else can be bought. So I focus on Pro Perks, which are a pain in the ass. I can’t really go into S&D if I’m trying to get PPs so I have to stay in TDM. So my experience so far has been level up in TDM until I get the AK47 and then just play that till I either get all my PPs or prestige (so far its only been the latter).

Another complaint: Noobs. Now I’m usually not one to complain about this, I mean, were all new at some point, right? But the issue I have is that people seem to be just taking their Xbox out of the box, putting in the game and then JOINING MY MATCHES AND GETTING 0-32! It’s ridiculous! And it happens all the time that I go to check their gamercard and the have 0 gamerscore. WHAT YOU COULDN’T BE BOTHER TO PLAY THE FIRST MISSION? YOU HAD TO COME STRAIGHT INTO MERCENARY TEAM DEATHMATCH AND YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW THE FUCKING CONTROLS??!?!?

Sorry, I just had to vent there.

There’s various other problems which you can find out for yourself (just search “Black Ops Sucks” you’ll get what your looking for)

Sound

The sound is actually top notch. Excellent voice over cast and good licensed music including Rolling Stones and CCR.

Graphics

Graphics weren’t impressive. They seemed worse than MW2 for some reason.

Positive Notes

There are several great steps though. First is the fact that you can play online with a guest. The theatre mode is good too.

Overall 7/10

I don’t think Black Ops is a worthy successor to the Modern Warfare duo. It’s good and fun to play, but it just doesn’t have the same impact that they had story wise and game play wise.

Game Review: Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2

Modern Warfare 1 was easily one of my favourite games of all time. It had a great story and excellent multiplayer. Let's get "No Russian" out of the way. Yes it's pretty crazy, but it at least has some context (your a CIA operative and are trying to get close to a terrorist). Think about Grand Theft Auto, a series practically built on the ability to kill civilians. And in the rest of the game you fail if you accidentally kill a civilian, so it balances out.

Now further on in the story it gets ludicrous. Russia invades the U.S. basically the plot of Red Alert 2, instead of Kirovs there's choppers and planes. Where was my iron curtain?

So from there it becomes your standard "We're the US fightin off the ruskies". And that's the same problem MW1 had, the fun parts are when your the English team, not fun is with the US team. Why is that? My favourite missions are when your methodical, not frantic getting hit from all sides.

Now getting away from the story is multiplayer. Which is fantastic! The upgrade for weapons keep the game fun. It's just a blast to play. There seems like a limited number of maps, amd of course it has the love hate relationship with me as always. There's also the co-op which I felt should have been integrated with the story.

Programming: 9/10 : Overall pretty good, but the glitches such as the javelin glitch and the "private ranked match" glitch show that there could have been a little more time spent
Graphics: 9/10 : Good, but starting to show it's age
Story: 7/10 : Kind of ridiculous
Atmosphere: 7.5/10 : Not as fun as MW1
Multiplayer: 10/10 : Improves on MW1 10 fold
Overall: 9/10 : Overall still a great game, but not a classic like the first.

P.S. I thought they were joking on Bleep Bloop when they said Dick Cheney quotes show up when you die. Sure enough, they do. *facepalm*